Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
