Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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