they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
