Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
