he wants to bone in the snuggie
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you made out with another girl for some wings
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
