There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
