Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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