Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
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Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
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I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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