i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
