Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
