i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
