I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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