Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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