He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm both gender and math confused
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
