I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
