I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
