hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
