He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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