Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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