i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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