You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think I am morally bankrupt
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
