Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
