There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
its not stalking. its research.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
