the condom got lost in my hair
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
