there's paper in my vomit.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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