if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
