My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
