Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
