why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
