wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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