First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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