remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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