Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
