very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
