Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dicks are not precious.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize