I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
