trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
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Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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