u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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