$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize