We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
