just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
