you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
