i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
