Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
