We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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