Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I would ride that face into the sunset
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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