Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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