i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
