Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
