everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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