i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
