Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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