just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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