There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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