These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
