I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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