Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I did not marry a roomba.
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