Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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