if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
