I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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