Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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