If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
