i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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