hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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