I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
