He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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