I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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