Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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