dude i'm inner monologue high
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
