Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
